What do you mean by being a doctor?

I got my leave today. Not really feeling well. Having high grade fever and flu for 2 days already. Plus symptoms of dengue i guess. Being a doctor, you cant help from being extremely over thinking.

I got my new placement in hospital sultan abdul halim in sungai petani kedah. Lucky me, i am still obsteteric and gynaecology medical officer.

Is it lucky?

Or a bad one.

I don't know.

But he knows.

Actually i got better life pathway, initially as i was chosen to be in Perlis. You know, in Perlis, they offer you being a doctor at klinik kesihatan. Work like an office worker and the difference is you offer medical service.

But i rejected the offer. I applied back Kedah and you can think it was because i want to be near with my family but the other ulterior motive of me, is

i don't want to loose the feel of doctor.

'Wan, i feel like i am not a doctor here. Just doing admin work'

One of my friend said that and its really keep repeating and bothering my mind.

And my heart.

We have been in this field for almost 3 years, maybe it just our short or brief moment of sentimental doctor but it is what we really think and feel.

That is why i end up here. Quite jealous with other friend whom did not decline the offer and had better quality of life out there.

Hajiman (in korea language which mean but) HAHA

Its up to you how you define life.

Maybe i did a big mistake or a big changes in my life that my body cannot accept it.

That's why the fever flare up. My abah said i will always getting sick when doing a big changes in my life or seperated from comfort zone. I had the same fever when i start my HO ship, when i start my life as medical student in UPM and even now.

Please tell me i did the right thing...